witty quotes:


1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
3. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
6. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
7. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
8. Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
9. I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness
10. If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
11. Actual Headline: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
12. If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
13. if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
14. My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
15. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
16. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
17. Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
18. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
19. You can't be late until you show up.
20. The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
**funny quotes comming soon.when i dunno but they will**
< witty quotes haven>